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Don't let your dominant's words and actions get to you, and maintain your self-respect. However, remember that unless you communicate with your dominant, he or she will simply assume that you're satisfied with how your relationship is going.

Of course, if your partner doesn't respect you enough to stop overstepping your limits, respect yourself enough to end the relationship. Don't expect to read a few articles on the Internet and then be able to call yourself a submissive.

No matter how eager you are to learn and experiment, you won't become a submissive overnight. Becoming a true submissive takes a great deal of time and patience.

In fact, many submissives may even go through a formal "training" period, which can take months or even years. And if you do decide to open this new chapter in your life, have fun with it.

You may choose to close it in the future, or it may become a big part of who you are. Either way, learn what you can from the experience and, most importantly, enjoy it!

If you're just tipping your toe into the world of BDSM, you may be unsure where to even start when it comes to planning out a scene. We made this quiz to provide you with your next, or first, BDSM scene based on your own tastes and desires!

Sex is a bit like a secret society; everyone's doing it, it's just that no one talks about it. Kinkly's mission is to start that conversation, answer your questions and help you discover new and exciting things about sex, love and your body.

We guarantee it'll be illuminating, enlightening, fun And that's OK with us. Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited.

Toggle navigation Menu. A Beginner's Guide to Submission. Kinkly Staff October 24, Presented by: Liberator.

Written by Kinkly Staff. No innuendos, no judgments and no apologies, just fearless, straight-up talk about sex. Full Bio.

More from Liberator. Safe Sex? Related Terms. Related Tags. Sex Tips. We do try and answer all of the emails, even the critical ones, if we have missed you please try and gain and we'll aim to get a responce to you either by return email or via a post here on the blog.

Just to let you know we are still very much alive and still here. Mick has been in an almost daily battle with SPAM posts to the blog and he thinks that he has almost dealt with finding a deleting them - we were averaging about 20 every day, but we think we have identified the main culprit and we are hopping to get some action from Blogger.

Work has taken a number of different twists for all 3 of us but not in a bad way but it does mean that we are trying to get a balance that will allow us to keep up with blogging and posting.

On the Family front, my niece has now moved into her new house and we have the run of the house back - as can be see with my husband tottering about the house in his heels and stockings and my boyfriend is back spending the weekends with us.

On Mick's family front we have other issues and that has what has been consuming a lot of time for us and a lot of stress for Mick, but hopefully that is about to be resolved and I can get my billie back to normal and settled into a routine that he wants and needs.

Wednesday, 7 October Dressing appropriately for the task at hand. From Madam Alice:. Friday, 2 October Back into a routine.

Hello everyone, hope you are all well. Saturday, 12 September coming back soon. From Madam Alice.

Monday, 10 August An Update, soon to get back to the old routine. Good Morning Everyone, hope you are all well. And hopefully that will mean that the house will be back to normal well our kind of normal??!!

Work has been on the increase for both Madam and myself, with me creating and delivering more training on line, and there has definitely been an increase in the need to mentor several candidates going forward for professional examinations - so it has been busy for me.

Madam has been busy both in her work office and working from home, the good thing is that she hasn't needed to travel into the London Office and to be honest that isn't a bad thing for her.

Sir's company is fully back in work and again they seem to be busy with every one in and also allowing for flexible working.

So all is good on the vanilla front. But that isn't probably what you want to hear about So there are times that the en-suite bathroom is a bit of an adhoc laundry room with the extra knickers being washed and dried in there rather than on the line in the garden.

The weather has been such that we've all taken a break from stocking wear - but only briefly. The weather over the weekend was particularly hot for us and I'm not sure I would have gotten away with hosiery with my shorts without some comment from the niece!

However full underwear requirements will be back in place next week I think. As mentioned in our previous posts I've been spending every night in Madam's room, either on the mattress on the floor or in the bed with her.

When we retire for the night I will go up first and shower. I'll dry myself and then put on one of my new babydoll nighties and a pair of stockings and a suspender belt, then get into Madam's bed and wait for her.

When Madam comes up she will head straight to the shower. She will normally take charge immediately either telling me to roll over or to get out of the bed and onto my knees to orally serve her dildo.

And from that point on I will do what ever she wants me to do, but it invariably will involve her fucking me quite aggressively.

If she comes to bed with out the Strap On then she will want me to be ready to go down on her and provide oral worship to her.

Madam know that this is my most favourite task and that I really do enjoy serving her in this way. Madam will decide quite rightly whether I continue to completion with her or if I need to stop and get one of her toys to use on her.

Anything else would never work out long-term. In addition, if she wanted to experience something new or different that intensely aroused her, obviously I would want to give her that and vice-versa.

As you explore together, your sexual boundaries tends move broader with growing trust, connection and intimacy.

Mutual commonality.. Wonderful explanation. That sounds ideal … now how do I find that?? I completly agree. I try once with a Dom that our kinks didnt line up but i still tryed all of his and took them in even him peeing on me everynight before i was allowed to go to bed.

To me this was extremly descusing but to him it was a humiliation ownership thing. So i leaned and asepted ot every night. Until one night i wake up with his d in my mouth and him deep down my throat.

Normally i would be extremly honored to wake up with his d in my mouth. But this time he desided to pee in my mouth and hold me down tight on it until i swollowed every drop.

When he let go i ran to bathroom to use mouth wash. But he stoped me before Icould make it there. As a punishment for being so disrespectful to him, the next 2 days everytime he had go pee I was to take it in my mouth it was so disgusing but i told myself its punishment so ur make it thew these two days and after that ur put it on ir hard limit if you still dont like it at all.

When the 2 days ended he wanted me to continue it even tho the punishment for being disrespectful was only suposed to be for 2 days.

I told him no its now on my hard limit. Before this only hard limit i had was no knife play. So long story short it didnt work out cause we didnt have simular kinks.

Now I always ask them what kinks interest them and if they dont fall in some rang of what I am into then i know its for the better not to even try.

Everyone has hard and soft limits. Hard limits never change. Peeing and humiliation are outside my hard limits and immediately indicate long-term incompatibility.

Rules or guidelines or great for building trust and showing possesion but even a true submissive needs to have some room to Express her individuality through creative or spontaneous ways.

Do you recommend ever switching roles? How would that be done? And vice versa? Might the sub just want to please the dom, and fail to be a good dom?

Would the dom becoming the sub undermine his authority when he becomes the dom again? That completely depends on the people involved.

Communication is key. May I suggest you post a question on a switch group discussion on FetLife. BDSM is honestly a smorgasbord of things and you can pick the things you do and do not like and this phrase I learned from a very wise Male Switch.

It honestly depends on the dynamic of the relationship. So why is it that some acts are not okay with other men but perfectly okay with other men?

You sound amazing. Can I please clone you for myself? I am beginning to believe a Dom like yourself has become a dieing breed. I wrote my blog to educate men and women.

I love these and it made me smile many times to myself, especially playing with another woman so long as I tell Master!!

Diane, the gift of submission is the most intimate and deeply trusting gift any man can receive. She gives me her body, mind and soul completely for my pleasure and yo fulfill my most depraved desires without limits.

No, I am so lucky to have found her. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account.

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email.

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Hi Alora! Thank you for visiting! Georgia, I too struggle with this. It was easier to be a sub when I was not so confident and independent. I do it to feel owned because it fills a hole in my life, to feel someone depends on me entirely for their pleasure because I feel whole when I please someone.

I really enjoyed reading this. I was out of the life style for awhile but then met a man with similar desires and much knowledge. I am finding it hard to go back to the role while we are apart but as with anything I know this takes time to accomplish.

Thank you for this article.. Angie, Thank you so much for your comment! So I have been with my master for six years. I used to love it but since I had out little girl in August of last year the desire has plummeted.

My master wants consistency which is understandable but I find it hard to juggle it all. I would suggest that you consider arranging such a weekend.

You go into your roles, let him get back into his comfortably, and then humbly ask to talk to him. If he does agree, offer future weekends of this nature.

Promise to be the best sub you can be, and then follow through. Also offer to submit anytime the parental role can be set aside for a few hours.

You will have to work out how to communicate this opportunity and how to accept it. Your skills as a loving sub will be heavily taxed. If you pull it off, the rewards will have been worth the effort.

Do you have any advice? Thanks in advanced! Hi Meghan! The above article and cheat sheet can help you get into the mindset and help you focus on your new identity.

If you want to progress more you can find a partner to start enjoying the lifestyle more fully. I have tips plus step-by-step guides in my structured training program, Dom Sub Training.

It can help you find a genuine partner and make BDSM a way of life. I have one comment to the other female subs who are worried about losing their strong, independent personality, and that is to know that the sub is the one with the control in these relationships.

So although you are doing anything your Dom asks of you within your limits and your goal is to make him happy, you get to determine what your limits are and then let him surprise you from there and satisfy your needs too!

Thank you for your kind advice for other subs. I realize this is a personal decision but the few friends she has trusted enough to tell them who and what she is …seem to snub her.

The worse part is she is an ex-mormon and with children.. Thanks for the listen. Thank you so much for your insight as a Dom.

Hopefully there will be more acceptance of the lifestyle someday. A sub should always feel comfortable being able to talk to the dom.

Exactly, Kevin! As long as it is done respectfully, a sub should always feel comfortable talking to their Dom. I am so happy to find you and your blog.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I want to be a good sub. And I am new to this. Be sure to check out this article to help you!

So happy to find you and this blog. Great info! I am a new sub and an older sub…just discovering the real me!

My Dom is new as well. I want to please him all the time, but he has a stressful job and sometimes like to lash out at me and says hurtful things.

Hi Stacy. Topping from the Bottom is an issue you can read about here. A good Dom would understand that.

Topping from the bottom is different than speaking up because someone is hurting you. A good dom is there to better you and please you, not abuse you.

A good dom is also humble, generous and kind, wants to know how you feel so he can make you happy, and allows you express yourself without getting emotional.

Hope you can express yourself and he strives to become a better dom, good luck! One of my biggest problems is that I do not like the word no and have trouble obeying when told no.

I have the wanting to please and be owned by master qualities but I struggle with giving up complete control as I have always been a control freak which is one of the many reasons my Master and I choose this lifestyle is to help me give up control.

Hi Cristina! I completely understand that it can be hard to give up control. You can read the tips for topping from the bottom to help you.

Being comfortable with giving up control will take some time, so try to be patient and focus on how being obedient benefits you and your relationship.

I am not a sub…yet…I would like to…. Sure, Stacey! Make sure you figure out first WHY you want to be a submissive, and what you hope to get out of it.

Take it very slow, and remember to have fun! Please help me as clarity. Would being used sexually be the acts of a slave?

Would something like that be considered for a little? I know it all depends on the contract and understanding.

Hi Danie! Both slaves and littles can be used sexually. Have fun! Unlike most of the previous replies, i am male with a female dom.

She is so special, funny, caring, sexy yet tough and demanding. The intimacy and trust levels we achieve thru her bdsm domination of me are incredible.

Unfortunately we live some distance apart, but when we do get together the connection is electric. I am constantly thinking ways to try and please her and show my loyalty.

I respect her and dont want to appear a pest by texting and calling all the time. Thanks for your comment, Bill! A lot of subs feel that way, Erin.

The best way to get over being self-conscious is to remember that your 1 job is to focus on your Dom, and not yourself.

You can even have a mantra to repeat when you feel your self-esteem dropping. Hello, I recently started being a sub.

And I have to tell you that…. I thought that I was the only one who loved this way of life. Thanks for this article it is really helpful!!

I have to continually try and anticipate what would please him, which is exhausting and I end up being a brat which only gets me spankings.

Can you give any suggestions that would help me, help him to carry over his dominance into our vanilla aspects of the relationship?

He is very willing to learn and grow but I do not want to force him, I love when he is and explores his dominance over me and wish so much that he would break out of the mindset that he is being a jerk for demands or punishment tasks.

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I had an image in my head when we looked to create Ms Watson, Mick's office assistant. The pencil skirt with a white blouse I do like the pussy bow style for her with black heels all suggest the office professional, black underwear probably a corselette or full bra and girdle, with plain top stockings.

Ms Watson is quite capable of taking on both roles in the office. The last type of dress uniform that we have for billie is the school outfit.

As part of the review depending on what may have contributed to the main need for corrections will dictate what the dress for the review will be.

For example if the misdemeanours have been a lack of diligence in cleaning and maid duties then billie will attend in the French Maid uniform.

I will want to chastise billie, perhaps scold and apply some corporal punishment so the school outfit sets the tone and mindset for the event.

For this it is a white blouse may be sheer , black underwear of bra, suspender belt 4 or 6 suspenders , plain top stockings and full cut panties - black or white.

Heels should be 4" minimum. When my darling husband is told to dress in his school girl attire he knows that he is going have a sore bottom from his Head Mistress!

I am getting on top of it but it is a pain and consumes a lot of time. The other think that has been causing an issue and consuming time has been a increase in work that relates to doing training and assessing via on line.

Our neice has now fully moved into her new home and started work and we have the house back. After moving the last of her belongings from storage and having taken the hire van back myself and Madam returned home and collapsed down on the living room settee.

After about 5 minutes just sat gathering ourselves Madam made the announcement - "Right go to your room, get undressed, put on some heels - and nothing else and make me a cup of Tea!

As Madam put it, "guests don't realise how much of an disruption it is when you have to refrain from receiving oral sex in your own lounge", which I thought was an interesting way of putting it!

The back log of lingerie washing has been dealt with, and I'm very much back in my Maids room and the Morning Routine is back in place with me bringing Madam her morning coffee and waking her with my tongue.

I can get away with heels but thats about it. Madam is toying with the idea of a woman's trouser suit but she's not found one that she thinks would work for me.

Its an interesting idea though, Madam has always been keen on the idea of getting a skirt and jacket suit for office wear, this may just be the evolution of it.

Madam has been working from home, generally one or two days a week. John has restarted coming round as the regular house guest rather than as a friend popping over to catch up with Alice and Mick.

All three of us are busy but getting our routine back on track. One last point, we've had several emails, mixed in with the spam emails, hopefully we have responded to everyone that emailed via the Blog.

We do try and answer all of the emails, even the critical ones, if we have missed you please try and gain and we'll aim to get a responce to you either by return email or via a post here on the blog.

Just to let you know we are still very much alive and still here. Mick has been in an almost daily battle with SPAM posts to the blog and he thinks that he has almost dealt with finding a deleting them - we were averaging about 20 every day, but we think we have identified the main culprit and we are hopping to get some action from Blogger.

Work has taken a number of different twists for all 3 of us but not in a bad way but it does mean that we are trying to get a balance that will allow us to keep up with blogging and posting.

On the Family front, my niece has now moved into her new house and we have the run of the house back - as can be see with my husband tottering about the house in his heels and stockings and my boyfriend is back spending the weekends with us.

On Mick's family front we have other issues and that has what has been consuming a lot of time for us and a lot of stress for Mick, but hopefully that is about to be resolved and I can get my billie back to normal and settled into a routine that he wants and needs.

Wednesday, 7 October Dressing appropriately for the task at hand. From Madam Alice:. Friday, 2 October Back into a routine.

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